Chasing After Me

Me:     Who is this person?
God:     The person I envisioned long ago.
Me:     I’m incapable of all of this.
God:     You’re right. But that’s why I’m working through you.

…that’s why I’m working through you. The past two months of my life have been fascinating. Mind-boggling. Overwhelming. Exciting. Exhausting. And, mostly humbling.

What I’ve learned is that when you’re willing to give your life away, your life changes. Dramatically. Be careful when you ask God what is next and are willing to listen to him. You’ll find yourself acting crazy…leaping out with a faith you never knew existed. You’ll quickly realize how completely inadequate you really are.

Your life will get messed up. In a good way. In an unfathomable way. In a way that makes you feel smaller than you’ve ever felt.

It reminds me of (Simon) Peter, Jesus’ disciple. He was a fisherman. After watching Jesus speak to multitudes and performing a fishing miracle with his buddies, Peter felt wholly insufficient to even be in his presence. In fact, he actually asked Jesus to leave because he couldn’t see himself as worthy of being around this amazing man.

But Jesus didn’t care about how Peter saw himself. He only could see the person envisioned long ago…by someone a lot bigger than Peter. Jesus didn’t even listen to Peter’s request to leave. Instead, Jesus told him he needed him. Needed him to be a fisher of men.

Can you imagine how Peter felt? He wasn’t qualified! He was probably thinking…seriously…I fish for a living. I’m screwed up. I literally stink of dead fish! But Jesus didn’t care! In fact, Peter’s life wouldn’t be perfect…he would go on to have moments of unbelief and would even deny Jesus before his crucifixion… Jesus knew that would happen…but Jesus didn’t care. HE NEEDED PETER.

If Jesus needed Peter the fisherman, he needs you. He needs me. He needs us to be willing to listen to him and be the person he created us to be. All different. But all with a purpose. Peter went on to share the story of Jesus because he let Jesus work through him. A fisherman. Seriously. Can you imagine how inadequate Peter felt throughout his whole life?!

I was sitting with some pastors in St. Paul a few weeks ago…one of them shared a powerful nugget of wisdom…they’d studied all of the great leaders in the bible because they were so diverse…wanting to know what the one commonality was…the answer? They all had a healthy dose of inadequacy.

Check the dictionary. Inadequacy is about not being sufficient. And, I am not sufficient. None of us are. But HIS grace is sufficient. Inadequacy reminds us we will never be good enough. Will never be smart enough. Will never be capable. Will never be eloquent enough. By submitting your life to a greater being and a greater calling, all of the gaps are filled.

God:      If your life isn’t a testimony, then what is it?
Me:     Seriously, my story is not that interesting.
God:     Really? Have you tried sharing it? Maybe you shouldn’t be the judge of that.
Me:     I can’t do this.
God:     No you can’t. But I can. Thank you for trusting me.

What. A. Year.

And it’s only October.

Who knew that when I picked this song as my theme for the year that it would unfold the way it did. A story of faith. A story of trust. A story of craziness. God has bigger things in store for you than you have in store for yourself. I guarantee it.

I guest posted my story in a two-part series on a blog by Sherry Surratt, a leading thinker and empowerer of women in ministry…click here to read it!