Chasing After Me

Eleven years ago, I dreamed of a family and romantic dates and adventures, all shared with my new best friend.

Today I still dream…I still dream of family…but I dream about the different ways the concept of family lives for us. I still dream of romantic dates and adventures, but they’re no longer checklists of activities and destinations. Instead, they’re dreams of the experiences we’ll have together and memories we’ll make and cherish forever.

Eleven years ago, I wondered what adventures our life together would bring…and wondered how it would be possible to love you more than I did that moment.

Today I still wonder…I still wonder about our adventures…but I wonder about how things we do every day will morph into adventures…how we’ll embrace those adventures…and wonder how we’ll respond. I still wonder about the depth of our love…but wonder how I ever could have thought that what we had back then was the pinnacle…and wonder about the many ways we’ll continue to grow together…and wonder our adventures together will draw us closer and define who we are individually and, more importantly, who we are collectively.

Eleven years ago, joy was bursting from me at the mere thought that I’d found someone like you…who could love me for all of who I was…and someone whom I loved loving.

Today joy still bursts…but joy about spending my life with someone whose brilliance baffles me, whose selflessness inspires me, whose loyalty overwhelms me, and whose mere life makes me want to learn more…love more.

Here’s to dreaming, wondering and embracing joy for eleven more years…times eleven.

My House

Home is not what my house becomes when people are made comfortable there. Home  isn’t even a destination. Home is bigger than that.

Home is where we’re most vulnerable, but where we’re also the safest.

Home is a where we’re naked and where our dirty laundry piles up, but also where we become refreshed and beautiful.

My Home

Home is where we feel safe crying, but also where someone will be to wipe our tears.

Home is where we’re comfortable being all of who we are, but where we have a family encouraging us to follow our hearts, to take risks and help us grow.

Home is where we love and serve others.

Home is where community flourishes.

Home is where love abounds.

Home is something we experience…a state of mind…a community of friends…for me, home is a made possible by grace and powered by Love. A Love that overflows to, I hope, help others experience HOME.

“How would you feel if you were in her shoes?”

We’ve all heard something like that…probably from our parents…or a teacher. What we didn’t realize then was that those were lessons in empathy.

Enter the tragic loss of Amy Winehouse.

How would you feel if you were in her shoes?

Lonely. Unsure who you could trust. Wondering if there was any way out. Tired of pressures you put on yourself. Tired of everyone pointing their fingers at you. Wishing someone might understand the pain. Not knowing what to do.

Pretty sure all of us have felt similar emotions. Pretty sure — whatever tragic truth unfolds about the details of her death — that the same thing could have happened to me…to you.

Furthermore, none of us know what happened to her. So why are we pointing fingers and making assumptions? Especially in her death? Who does that help?

What made me so sad about her death was to watch so many posts on Twitter and Facebook pointing fingers at her lifestyle. Seriously? Put yourself in her shoes. Not the the self that you pretend to show off to other people…but the vulnerable self that barely makes itself out of the deepest, darkest crevices of your mind. Imagine what it would feel to have other people judge what hides in those secret hiding spots.

That’s where grace comes in. That’s where the benefit of the doubt comes in. That’s where kindness and gentleness comes in.

Now…imagine her happiness. Imagine how much those closest to her loved her, and how deeply she probably loved back. Imagine how she must have felt to make a career out of music. Imagine how many people she inspired to be themselves and embrace themselves for who they are. Celebrate all of those things.

Here’s the thing. I can’t fathom how she felt everyday. But I can imagine feeling the emotions she felt. And that makes me appreciate her life even more. I believe God can bring peace through loving attitudes toward her life on this earth, and to her friends and family.

We get to be love. Be positivity. Be understanding. Be kind. All of that makes grace come to life…even in death.

“Should a church continue to support and enable through exclusive partnership a secular media company that publicly supports anti-Biblical causes?”

I just read that quote on a blog.

And it hit a nerve.

Anti-Biblical causes? Where, exactly, does one draw that line? Last I checked we are given a cause in the New Testament. It’s LOVE. That’s it. Just love. Big love. The God kind of love. Love and nothing else.

Now, this particular blog didn’t outline what they believed to be a Biblical cause. But the framing really bothered me because it’s another way that religious institutions are disengaging from culture…another way religious institutions are becoming irrelevant to the people who need to hear that our God is a grace- and love-filled God.

If LOVE is the biblical cause we’re talking about…then there are probably millions of causes that fit that bill…more than many Christians may ever want to admit.

Here’s the thing…God works through more than people who call themselves Christians…He works through more than just religious institutions. God is bigger. Religious institutions do not have the corner on the “do good” market. But, if religious institutions reach out beyond their comfort zones, they just might tear down walls of judgment that have been erected between people and religion. They can live LOVE and give LOVE…not because they’re trying to earn stripes on their heavenly uniforms, but because LOVE literally lives inside of them. And, I think that is the point when a religious institution really turns into a people who are Christ’s Church.

…LOVE is the cause…

“If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.” – 1 Corinthians 13:1 (NLT)

I love writing. I love being vulnerable. I believe deeply that every thought and experience one person has can change at least one other life for the better.

So why is writing this blog (and the five book ideas in my head!) hard for me? Maybe it’s because I know that I know that I know that it’s something I should be doing and I put ridiculous pressure on myself.  Maybe it’s because I think doing other things with my time are more fruitful. Maybe it’s because it’s because it requires me to publish unrefined thoughts. Maybe it’s because a part of me is afraid of the vastness of where things could lead. I don’t know. It’s probably all of that.

But, I’m surrounded by amazing human beings. Amazing human beings who don’t know that they even hold me accountable to doing what I love…hold me accountable to not discounting what I love…hold me accountable for something they know I’m supposed to be doing, too. I’m grateful for them. They keep me going.

I think we all inexplicably avoid things we’re passionate about. And I think it’s because of fear. It’s stupid becaus, if it’s a passion of ours, and it’s a competency of ours, then it is our strength….and I believe that God operates through the unique talents he’s given each of us…operates through us. Why wouldn’t we give our strengths to Him, too? What’s to be afraid of? Because, perfect love casts out fear.

Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Take a few more. Remember how much you’re loved. Trust that love. Trust the peace. And let God take over…no fear…we’re not alone.