Chasing After Me

There is one thing in life that regularly overwhelms me, chokes me up, and sends tears streaming down my cheeks.

It’s not what you think.

They’re happy tears.

Tears of gratitude.

I used to be ashamed of those moments. I saw them as my girly, oversensitive moments. Until a good friend told me that gratitude was one of the things she loved about me.

It wasn’t until that moment that I realized I didn’t need to be ashamed…because those moments are gifts. Those moments ground me…center me…bring things into perspective.

In that moment, I finally realized it’s not oversensitivity…it’s overflow from the foundation of my faith. It’s how I see the world. Gratitude is the glue that holds broken pieces of my heart and soul together when I’ve faced disappointment and sadness, or after I’ve exploded with happiness and excitement. Gratitude doesn’t erase moments, but recognizes and embraces the character that memories – good and bad – leave behind.

I don’t think gratitude came naturally for me. I think it came about as a survival mechanism. One can only take so much hurt. And, after having my heart shattered, I could either let the pieces lay there, or I could try to find a way to put them back together. And, I think the only way that pieces come back together is by identifying what’s good. Identifying what’s been learned. Identifying the impact of a life. Identifying the impact of a person. And then realizing that someone has a purpose for me that is greater than I can ever comprehend.

Gratitude is a current that propels me to get through each day.

And, today, I’m most grateful for the good friend who helped me realize that gratitude is a gift…you know who you are.

The root of joy is gratefulness. It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.” –David Steindl-Rast