Chasing After Me

Someone observed something about me last week that was jarring:

I think it’s funny that you talk so much about being an external processor, yet you process things internally a hundred times before you let them out of your mouth.

She was right.

I guess I let the energy I get from being with people, communicating with people, and even simply writing skew my perspective.

The reality is internal or external processing is just that – a process. It’s not good or bad. It’s not stronger or weaker.

The jarring part of what she said is what I realized I let the internal processing do to me.

It. Immobilizes. Me.

Especially in places where I know I’m supposed to be sharing. Like on this blog. Crap, I even have trouble journaling (despite telling everyone I think they should!) because I feel the need for thoughts to be complete first…the need to be formed into something easily digestible, appealing, and certainly important in order to be presented.

Debilitating.

What if I share something that isn’t a complete story? Exposes more weakness or hurt than I’m comfortable with? What if I say something controversial? What if I say something that makes someone angry instead of fulfilled or encouraged? What if I say something plain stupid?

It stresses me out.

Processing holds an important place. But it shouldn’t supersede the processing meant to be shared with others.

So let’s not get in the way of ourselves.

After all, consuming things that are unprocessed mean more nutrients, more vitamins, more strength and, ultimately, more life.

My dear friend Missy Durant is an amazing woman. Her life is overflowing with love and gratitude…and it spreads to everyone she knows. She wrote a book recently, What Matters, and I couldn’t be more excited for her.

I believe in what she’s doing with all of my heart…because it’s beautiful…because I cherish her and her heart.

So, today, I blogged on her web site…take a peek here!

I don’t believe being a Christian is about avoiding hell.

I believe following Jesus, and realizing we’re lovable despite our crap, is about finding fulfillment and life…here and now.

I don’t believe the Bible is best read as an instruction book.

I believe that the Bible will change your life when you read it as a love story of an eternal creator pursuing those He loves.

I don’t believe conversations with God have to be filled with elegant, flowery and ridiculously inspirational words and phrases that no one would ever use in real life.

I believe God wants us to know we can talk with Him like we talk with our friends – no matter how happy, sad or angry we are…even if we’re pissed at God, Himself.

I don’t believe that God should be marketed as the ultimate self-help program.

I believe that the true Love and Life that lives inside of us gives more hope to the rest of the world than any pamphlet handed to people on the street ever could.

I don’t believe that heaven will be sparsely populated.

I believe that God did everything in His power to spend eternity with every single being He created.

I don’t believe we have to perform rituals to earn God’s love.

I believe human beings were created to be loved. And, when we experience true Love, love overflows from our lives into the lives of others.

Those are the realizations that changed my life.

That’s why I live the crazy life that I do.

Nothing compares to the moment when you see someone realize they’re loved and cared for. Nothing compares to the moment when someone realizes that despite their many imperfections, God still sees them as perfect. Nothing compares to the moment when someone realizes the Spirit of God Himself all loving…and alive inside of the people they see all around them. Nothing compares to the moment when someone realizes that God has never and will never leave them…and that they’ll never be alone.

No wonder true Christianity broke down walls of ethnic, cultural and spiritual divisions in its early days…radical love will do that.

God isn’t complicated. God is Love.

John 13:34-35 (Voice translation)

So I give you a new command: love each other deeply and fully. Remember the ways that I have loved you, and demonstrate your love for others in those same ways. Everyone will know you as My followers if you demonstrate your love to others.

I believe that big rewards come from big risks. And just this week, it finally got through my dense brain, that even bigger rewards come from big trust.

For me, risks and trust get real when applied relationally. Baring my soul – complete with insecurities, imperfections, annoyances and even giddiness – is scary. Sharing all of who we are with anyone is a risk. But, when relationships are developed under that kind of transparency, they’re precious…they’re real…they’re like home…the relationships themselves are heaven on earth…they withstand.

And I usually forget that part…that they withstand.

They withstand distance, busy-ness and changes in life directions. Relationships built on the big risk of transparency have built-in trust because they’re built ON trust.

My realization? I’m afraid of trusting those to whom I’m closest to love me in return. And that’s sad. As if they’re not capable of loving me as much as I love them? As if people aren’t capable of giving me grace for bummer or crabby days? As if their busyness or distance means they don’t care? Others may show love differently than I, but it doesn’t mean they don’t love. And, honestly, trusting their love might just be my greatest demonstration of love to them.

It’s funny, I spend most of my time in life finding ways to remind people that they’re loved. And, for me, it’s a very spiritual thing. I believe that we (human beings) were created to be loved, and to love in return. And I want everyone to know that. I believe that God loves us through everything around us…through things we see and relationships we experience. And, at some point, we simply need to choose to believe that we’re loved…even when we’re not entirely feeling it…because that is what faith is.

Do you note the irony here?

At some point, I need to trust people…and choose to believe I’m loved…even when I’m not entirely feeling it…because that’s what faith in their love for me is. And the reward? Knowing I don’t have to worry about whether or not they love me, but simply having peace in knowing I’m loved.

Accepting love is a choice. I would know…because it’s a choice I have to make, too.

He hugged me. And then he hugged me again. And then he kissed my cheek. And he spoke to me in a language I couldn’t understand, but his eyes spoke a language I did understand. And, then Vincente handed me his bag of bread. The whole bag.

It was the most humbling experience of my life.

Vincente used to be a hitman. But now he embraces “man.”

Vincente used to take life, now he overflows with Life.

He’s one of the happiest and most generous people I’ve ever met, yet his material possessions are very few. He carries around everything of value to him in his backpack. Based upon what I know about Vincente, I imagine it’s not much more than his Bible, some fishing line and a knife to prepare his fish. He fishes everyday to catch his meals, and some days he only buys an onion and a lime to make ceviche in the rocks by the ocean.

And he gave me his bread. His whole bag of bread. Four pieces of sweet-smelling fresh bread that he just bought at the market…likely his breakfast…for at least a couple days…and he wouldn’t take no for an answer.

It’s the most precious gift I’ve ever received.

I had been teaching about life and the safety we have in the grace of God. But Vincente taught me, in that moment, about the generosity that flows from the manifestation of true life…the kind of generosity that overflows from a life filled with LIFE.

The message of LIFE Vincente shared with me is one etched on my heart. Forever. As I eat that bread for breakfast today, I know that the gift I’m eating came from a place of Life…Life that will nourish and sustain me…Life that, in some way, will always remain a part of my being.