My dear friend Missy Durant is an amazing woman. Her life is overflowing with love and gratitude…and it spreads to everyone she knows. She wrote a book recently, What Matters, and I couldn’t be more excited for her.
I believe in what she’s doing with all of my heart…because it’s beautiful…because I cherish her and her heart.
So, today, I blogged on her web site…take a peek here!
I don’t believe being a Christian is about avoiding hell.
I believe following Jesus, and realizing we’re lovable despite our crap, is about finding fulfillment and life…here and now.
I don’t believe the Bible is best read as an instruction book.
I believe that the Bible will change your life when you read it as a love story of an eternal creator pursuing those He loves.
I don’t believe conversations with God have to be filled with elegant, flowery and ridiculously inspirational words and phrases that no one would ever use in real life.
I believe God wants us to know we can talk with Him like we talk with our friends – no matter how happy, sad or angry we are…even if we’re pissed at God, Himself.
I don’t believe that God should be marketed as the ultimate self-help program.
I believe that the true Love and Life that lives inside of us gives more hope to the rest of the world than any pamphlet handed to people on the street ever could.
I don’t believe that heaven will be sparsely populated.
I believe that God did everything in His power to spend eternity with every single being He created.
I don’t believe we have to perform rituals to earn God’s love.
I believe human beings were created to be loved. And, when we experience true Love, love overflows from our lives into the lives of others.
Those are the realizations that changed my life.
That’s why I live the crazy life that I do.
Nothing compares to the moment when you see someone realize they’re loved and cared for. Nothing compares to the moment when someone realizes that despite their many imperfections, God still sees them as perfect. Nothing compares to the moment when someone realizes the Spirit of God Himself all loving…and alive inside of the people they see all around them. Nothing compares to the moment when someone realizes that God has never and will never leave them…and that they’ll never be alone.
No wonder true Christianity broke down walls of ethnic, cultural and spiritual divisions in its early days…radical love will do that.
God isn’t complicated. God is Love.
John 13:34-35 (Voice translation)
So I give you a new command: love each other deeply and fully. Remember the ways that I have loved you, and demonstrate your love for others in those same ways. Everyone will know you as My followers if you demonstrate your love to others.
I believe that big rewards come from big risks. And just this week, it finally got through my dense brain, that even bigger rewards come from big trust.
For me, risks and trust get real when applied relationally. Baring my soul – complete with insecurities, imperfections, annoyances and even giddiness – is scary. Sharing all of who we are with anyone is a risk. But, when relationships are developed under that kind of transparency, they’re precious…they’re real…they’re like home…the relationships themselves are heaven on earth…they withstand.
And I usually forget that part…that they withstand.
They withstand distance, busy-ness and changes in life directions. Relationships built on the big risk of transparency have built-in trust because they’re built ON trust.
My realization? I’m afraid of trusting those to whom I’m closest to love me in return. And that’s sad. As if they’re not capable of loving me as much as I love them? As if people aren’t capable of giving me grace for bummer or crabby days? As if their busyness or distance means they don’t care? Others may show love differently than I, but it doesn’t mean they don’t love. And, honestly, trusting their love might just be my greatest demonstration of love to them.
It’s funny, I spend most of my time in life finding ways to remind people that they’re loved. And, for me, it’s a very spiritual thing. I believe that we (human beings) were created to be loved, and to love in return. And I want everyone to know that. I believe that God loves us through everything around us…through things we see and relationships we experience. And, at some point, we simply need to choose to believe that we’re loved…even when we’re not entirely feeling it…because that is what faith is.
Do you note the irony here?
At some point, I need to trust people…and choose to believe I’m loved…even when I’m not entirely feeling it…because that’s what faith in their love for me is. And the reward? Knowing I don’t have to worry about whether or not they love me, but simply having peace in knowing I’m loved.
Accepting love is a choice. I would know…because it’s a choice I have to make, too.
We’re needy people. I know I am. Needy in that I need to know I am loved.
I believe everyone, no matter what they might say to the contrary, wants to know they’re loved…wants to feel loved.
But, sometimes my frustrations work overtime. In some moments or seasons I don’t feel loved. Cognitively, I know I am loved. But it’s that feeling part that gets in the way. The feeling tries to talk me out of the knowledge that I am, indeed, loved…loved by my husband…loved by my family…loved by my friends…loved by God.
My feelings get in the way of the indisputable truth that I am, indeed, loved.
I think that holds true for all of us.
We think we risk losing love. And in all reality, because I’m talking about humans here (not God), that’s possible.
I think God knew long ago that feeling loved might be an issue. And I believed He tackled the issue head on.
I believe God loves us so much that He wants nothing to separate us from Him. He believes the best in us…despite our shortcomings, failures, imperfections and doubts. He believes the best in us so much that He made those shortcomings, failures, imperfections and doubts disappear…they’re gone as far as the east is from the west. Even if we still see them. God doesn’t. He only sees the best. He made a decision long ago to make sure that He only sees the best in us. And he keeps giving out love.
What does that have to do with feeling loved by our significant others? Our closest friends? Our families?
Well, if God’s love lives inside of us, then it is a love that believes the best…a love that gives out even more love.
All too often we forget both of those truths.
We assume that our families no longer care. We assume that our significant other is mad at us. We assume that a friend has replaced us with someone else.
If those are the things we dwell upon, are we believing the best in people?
If those are the things we dwell upon, are we focused too much on ourselves instead of letting God’s love exude from us into the lives of others?
I’m not saying the feelings aren’t real. Because they are. Frankly, I’ve felt them all…often…and they reappear all of the time.
But feeling sorry for ourselves doesn’t help anything.
When I stop the love flow to others based upon my fears, assumptions or frustrations, it only makes me feel awful…feel lonely…feel depressed. In focusing upon myself, I forget that they might be overwhelmed, they might be busy, they might be dealing with stuff, they might be tired, they might be absent-minded, they might be feeling the same “unloved” feelings I’m dealing with, or maybe they really are frustrated with me…but it doesn’t change that love believes the best…and it doesn’t change the fact that love gives.
The thing is…when I realize the self-pity ridiculousness that is going on in my head…and I force myself to stop and believe the best in those people…and to let love flow…I forget about the feelings, and I feel fulfilled. And, almost simultaneously, I feel loved…not because the love is always returned to me…but because love is operating in me…and that’s when I feel loved by a being much bigger than I can imagine.
Love exists to be given away…as we believe the best in one another.
Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, doesn’t force itself on others, isn’t always “me first,” doesn’t fly off the handle, doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, doesn’t revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8, The Message)
Eleven years ago, I dreamed of a family and romantic dates and adventures, all shared with my new best friend.
Today I still dream…I still dream of family…but I dream about the different ways the concept of family lives for us. I still dream of romantic dates and adventures, but they’re no longer checklists of activities and destinations. Instead, they’re dreams of the experiences we’ll have together and memories we’ll make and cherish forever.
Eleven years ago, I wondered what adventures our life together would bring…and wondered how it would be possible to love you more than I did that moment.
Today I still wonder…I still wonder about our adventures…but I wonder about how things we do every day will morph into adventures…how we’ll embrace those adventures…and wonder how we’ll respond. I still wonder about the depth of our love…but wonder how I ever could have thought that what we had back then was the pinnacle…and wonder about the many ways we’ll continue to grow together…and wonder our adventures together will draw us closer and define who we are individually and, more importantly, who we are collectively.
Eleven years ago, joy was bursting from me at the mere thought that I’d found someone like you…who could love me for all of who I was…and someone whom I loved loving.
Today joy still bursts…but joy about spending my life with someone whose brilliance baffles me, whose selflessness inspires me, whose loyalty overwhelms me, and whose mere life makes me want to learn more…love more.
Here’s to dreaming, wondering and embracing joy for eleven more years…times eleven.