Sometimes I have crappy days…crappy weeks, even.

Sometimes I get really crabby for no particular reason.

Sometimes some, choice, four-letter-words slip out.

Sometimes money is tight.

Sometimes precious relationships in my life are strained.

Sometimes stress weighs on me.

Sometimes I slam doors shut and yell because I’m angry.

Sometimes I feel weak.

Sometimes I feel confused.

Sometimes I have no confidence.

Sometimes I feel lonely.

Sometimes I feel discouraged.

Sometimes the world disappoints me.

Sometimes I wonder where God is.

Crap goes down in my life. Sometimes it’s significant. Sometimes it’s petty.

It’s easy to get caught up in the bad stuff.

But I choose hope. And I have to remind myself of hope every, single day…because hope is intangible.

Hope is believing what I can’t see. Hope is trusting in goodness and peace.

Hope produces smiles when the heaviness of situations feels unbearable.

Hope finds positives in the ugliest of situations.

Hope convinces me that God turns crap into fertilizer where beautiful things can grow.

Hope removes fear because it reminds me that I have absolutely nothing to lose.

Hope reminds me that someone exists who is bigger and more powerful than me.

Hope inspires me so that I can inspire others.

There’s a lot of power in those four letters.

Those four letters anchor my soul.

I believe following Jesus, and realizing we’re lovable despite our crap, is about finding fulfillment and life…here and now.

I don’t believe the Bible is best read as an instruction book.

I believe that the Bible will change your life when you read it as a love story of an eternal creator pursuing those He loves.

I don’t believe conversations with God have to be filled with elegant, flowery and ridiculously inspirational words and phrases that no one would ever use in real life.

I believe God wants us to know we can talk with Him like we talk with our friends – no matter how happy, sad or angry we are…even if we’re pissed at God, Himself.

I don’t believe that God should be marketed as the ultimate self-help program.

I believe that the true Love and Life that lives inside of us gives more hope to the rest of the world than any pamphlet handed to people on the street ever could.

I don’t believe that heaven will be sparsely populated.

I believe that God did everything in His power to spend eternity with every single being He created.

I don’t believe we have to perform rituals to earn God’s love.

I believe human beings were created to be loved. And, when we experience true Love, love overflows from our lives into the lives of others.

Those are the realizations that changed my life.

That’s why I live the crazy life that I do.

Nothing compares to the moment when you see someone realize they’re loved and cared for. Nothing compares to the moment when someone realizes that despite their many imperfections, God still sees them as perfect. Nothing compares to the moment when someone realizes the Spirit of God Himself all loving…and alive inside of the people they see all around them. Nothing compares to the moment when someone realizes that God has never and will never leave them…and that they’ll never be alone.

No wonder true Christianity broke down walls of ethnic, cultural and spiritual divisions in its early days…radical love will do that.

God isn’t complicated. God is Love.

John 13:34-35 (Voice translation)

So I give you a new command: love each other deeply and fully. Remember the ways that I have loved you, and demonstrate your love for others in those same ways. Everyone will know you as My followers if you demonstrate your love to others.

For me, risks and trust get real when applied relationally. Baring my soul – complete with insecurities, imperfections, annoyances and even giddiness – is scary. Sharing all of who we are with anyone is a risk. But, when relationships are developed under that kind of transparency, they’re precious…they’re real…they’re like home…the relationships themselves are heaven on earth…they withstand.

And I usually forget that part…that they withstand.

They withstand distance, busy-ness and changes in life directions. Relationships built on the big risk of transparency have built-in trust because they’re built ON trust.

My realization? I’m afraid of trusting those to whom I’m closest to love me in return. And that’s sad. As if they’re not capable of loving me as much as I love them? As if people aren’t capable of giving me grace for bummer or crabby days? As if their busyness or distance means they don’t care? Others may show love differently than I, but it doesn’t mean they don’t love. And, honestly, trusting their love might just be my greatest demonstration of love to them.

It’s funny, I spend most of my time in life finding ways to remind people that they’re loved. And, for me, it’s a very spiritual thing. I believe that we (human beings) were created to be loved, and to love in return. And I want everyone to know that. I believe that God loves us through everything around us…through things we see and relationships we experience. And, at some point, we simply need to choose to believe that we’re loved…even when we’re not entirely feeling it…because that is what faith is.

Do you note the irony here?

At some point, I need to trust people…and choose to believe I’m loved…even when I’m not entirely feeling it…because that’s what faith in their love for me is. And the reward? Knowing I don’t have to worry about whether or not they love me, but simply having peace in knowing I’m loved.

Accepting love is a choice. I would know…because it’s a choice I have to make, too.

Is that what life is really all about?

Oh, I’m not naïve. I get it. I understand the implications. I freelance and consult to make ends meet. My husband works for a major U.S. retailer. I know what happens when companies tighten expenses their customers tighten expenses. I get it. I could dwell on it…scurry…worry…but it’s not worth it to me.

It’s not what life is about.

Today 31 Navy Seals died in a helicopter crash in Afghanistan. It’s not about why our military is there and whether or not it’s the right thing. It’s not what this blog is about.  The point is 31 families are hurting today. Their hearts are breaking. They’re hanging on to memories. They’re shedding tears. They’re probably immensely proud of their lost ones. They probably wish they could have shared their feelings with their loved ones just once more.

Those families are being thrust into remembering what life is really about.

I’m pretty sure that today those families don’t care about the downgraded U.S. credit score. Frankly, I’m pretty sure that many of them would probably give up their jobs for another moment with their lost loved ones. I bet that the lives of those 31 Navy Seals have collectively inspired tens of thousands of others…inspired them to really live…really embrace life…

And the odd and encouraging thing is that despite the hurt that comes with this news is that even in death, the inspiration of those 31 Seals lives…lives filled with life, passion, commitment and loyalty…lives filled with life.

The economy will fluctuate forever. But life isn’t about money. Life isn’t about worrying what may or may not happen. Life is about embracing LIFE. Life is about inspiring others to LIVE. Life is about a community’s love and compassion for one another amid hurts and shortfalls. That’s the life I want to live…not wasted on worry…but a life embracing hope…an economy of life.

But, even more powerful, is realizing that every person can inspire you.

Inspiration is what happens when we stop looking at human interactions as transactional. The moment we remember that everyone is a person with feelings…with a story…is the moment their life can change ours…for the better.

Learning from others is amazing. When we learn from others, knowledge fills our brains. But, when we’re inspired we’re compelled to act. Learning keeps us humble…it makes us wise. But being inspired each other helps us live…fully embrace life.

This week I met with a client, her generosity to give others credit for work well done reminds me to always shine a spotlight on others’ accomplishments.

This week a friend of mine told another friend of mine that she was making a difference, her willingness to share that reminds me that a few words of encouragement, even to someone I barely know, can mean the world.

This week I met a priest, his willingness to connect with me reminds me how important it is to keep an open mind and open door…even with strangers.

This week I had lunch with a new friend who shared a lot of her life story with me. Her candor and strength remind me of how important it is to be real.

This week I met with a vendor, his desire to learn more about my needs reminds me of the importance of trust.

This week my husband’s giddiness over seeing his family reminds me of how precious family is.

This week a friend of mine needed to unload some crap. His willingness to lay it all out there reminds me how important it is to not bottle things up.

This week I had dinner with friends who have poured a ton of themselves into a cause they believe in with all of their beings. They remind me of what people can do when they work together with people being their number one priorities.

This week I met a man who left his steady job while he did some soul searching to find something that resonated with his desires deep inside him. His courage reminds me of the importance of embracing who we are at our cores.

This week one of my best friends poured hours of his life into literally rebuilding his family’s home and spent the rest of those hours inspiring a team of people…all while being an amazing husband and father. His dedication reminds me that people are what always matter most.

Those reminders were inspirations…of humanness…of belief…of life…a true depiction of what matters in life. I pray I never stop being inspired by those around me.

I believe everyone, no matter what they might say to the contrary, wants to know they’re loved…wants to feel loved.

But, sometimes my frustrations work overtime. In some moments or seasons I don’t feel loved. Cognitively, I know I am loved. But it’s that feeling part that gets in the way. The feeling tries to talk me out of the knowledge that I am, indeed, loved…loved by my husband…loved by my family…loved by my friends…loved by God.

My feelings get in the way of the indisputable truth that I am, indeed, loved.

I think that holds true for all of us.

We think we risk losing love. And in all reality, because I’m talking about humans here (not God), that’s possible.

I think God knew long ago that feeling loved might be an issue. And I believed He tackled the issue head on.

I believe God loves us so much that He wants nothing to separate us from Him. He believes the best in us…despite our shortcomings, failures, imperfections and doubts. He believes the best in us so much that He made those shortcomings, failures, imperfections and doubts disappear…they’re gone as far as the east is from the west. Even if we still see them. God doesn’t. He only sees the best. He made a decision long ago to make sure that He only sees the best in us. And he keeps giving out love.

What does that have to do with feeling loved by our significant others? Our closest friends? Our families?

Well, if God’s love lives inside of us, then it is a love that believes the best…a love that gives out even more love.

All too often we forget both of those truths.

We assume that our families no longer care. We assume that our significant other is mad at us. We assume that a friend has replaced us with someone else.

If those are the things we dwell upon, are we believing the best in people?

If those are the things we dwell upon, are we focused too much on ourselves instead of letting God’s love exude from us into the lives of others?

I’m not saying the feelings aren’t real. Because they are. Frankly, I’ve felt them all…often…and they reappear all of the time.

But feeling sorry for ourselves doesn’t help anything.

When I stop the love flow to others based upon my fears, assumptions or frustrations, it only makes me feel awful…feel lonely…feel depressed. In focusing upon myself, I forget that they might be overwhelmed, they might be busy, they might be dealing with stuff, they might be tired, they might be absent-minded, they might be feeling the same “unloved” feelings I’m dealing with, or maybe they really are frustrated with me…but it doesn’t change that love believes the best…and it doesn’t change the fact that love gives.

The thing is…when I realize the self-pity ridiculousness that is going on in my head…and I force myself to stop and believe the best in those people…and to let love flow…I forget about the feelings, and I feel fulfilled. And, almost simultaneously, I feel loved…not because the love is always returned to me…but because love is operating in me…and that’s when I feel loved by a being much bigger than I can imagine.

Love exists to be given away…as we believe the best in one another.

Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, doesn’t force itself on others, isn’t always “me first,” doesn’t fly off the handle, doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, doesn’t revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8, The Message)

My House

Home is not what my house becomes when people are made comfortable there. Home  isn’t even a destination. Home is bigger than that.

Home is where we’re most vulnerable, but where we’re also the safest.

Home is a where we’re naked and where our dirty laundry piles up, but also where we become refreshed and beautiful.

My Home

Home is where we feel safe crying, but also where someone will be to wipe our tears.

Home is where we’re comfortable being all of who we are, but where we have a family encouraging us to follow our hearts, to take risks and help us grow.

Home is where we love and serve others.

Home is where community flourishes.

Home is where love abounds.

Home is something we experience…a state of mind…a community of friends…for me, home is a made possible by grace and powered by Love. A Love that overflows to, I hope, help others experience HOME.

It actually looks ridiculous to me to see that written above. It makes me sad to think that, for years, I fell for the lie that American culture leads us to believe. We’ve narrowed the field of generosity to merely something with monetary value. And, to be frank, money is not what matters in this life. Sure, it’s a measure of exchange. Sure, we need it to get stuff done (especially in our consumer-driven society). But really, people matter most. Not money.

What about generosity of time that values people? What about generosity of words that encourage people? What about the generosity of smiles that instantly flip the course of a day for people? What about generosity of kindness that show people that someone cares. What about generosity of forgiveness that makes grace come to life? What about generosity of heart that that loves on people?

I think people are more generous then they’re given credit for. We don’t have to be affluent to be generous. Generosity should never be solely tied to money. Words and actions showing kindness make lifelong impacts. Money only lasts until we put the last quarter in the soda machine.

You are a generous human being. Embrace it.

We all deal with them from time-to-time. It doesn’t mean we’re sad or depressed or unhappy. It just means we’re not putting any fuel in our tanks.

For some, fuel is solitude.

For some, fuel is accomplishments.

For some, fuel is adventure.

For some, fuel is exercise.

For some, fuel is people.

It’s important to know what your fuel is. I only know because it took me 35 years to figure out that my tank runs on people.

What happens when you don’t know what your fuel is? You might get depressed. You might get crabby. You likely won’t feel fulfilled.

And, everyone has a different kind of fuel.

The thoughts are front and center for me this week because I was a task machine…got a ton of work done. But, I decided to work from home. And neither my husband, nor roommates were home. For me, one day of solitude is good. Two days gets exhausting. Three days makes me restless. Four days makes me crabby. Five days makes me hypersensitive. And, pretty soon, I find myself in a spiral of not wanting to be around anyone, yet knowing that people are my fuel.

My guess is that the cycle is similar for anyone who doesn’t know what their fuel is…or doesn’t take steps to fill it.

Remember, we all need fuel…and fuel isn’t a crutch. Your fuel is probably tied to the strengths of who you are as a human being.

Sponges will come along and dry up your fuel. And that’s to be expected. But we always want to be sure there’s something in the bucket…otherwise we’ll be left bone dry…with nothing left to give.

Fuel up, my friends.

“Are you one of those ‘love’ people?”

“Don’t you go to that ‘love’ church?”

“I know you believe in love, but…”

Yes. Yes. And there are no “buts.”

It seems a month doesn’t go by without at least hearing these questions a few times.

To me, it’s a strange question. It seems to me that the deep-seeded desire of every person is to be loved. I believe that much of the hate and hurt in the world comes from a unwillingness to let ourselves be loved, and an unwillingness to love. And, maybe it’s because I can’t imagine life without love…I believe with all my heart that love, true unconditional love, brings life…I believe that life and love are inseparable.

Some might call that idealistic.

I like to call it human.

Jesus told His disciples that people would know they were His followers because of their love…not their knowledge…not their eloquent words…not their theology…not their morals…not their performance…not their judgment on others…but because of THEIR LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER.

God IS love.

A couple weeks ago when I was volunteering with some Bloom friends at The Family Place in St. Paul, there was a moment. A moment when I realized that I’m on this journey filled with love and grace with many other people. A moment that was like a rally cry. A moment that was all about love and letting others feel love.

When Bloom set out to connect with organizations in the community, we never set out to tell people about Jesus. You heard that correctly. We’re a church hellbent on loving and serving when we’re in the community, not tossing out a soapbox to stand on and scream from. Why? Because we want to be known by our love…true, overflowing, unconditional love.

I believe it’s because LOVE is what matters. I believe it’s because LOVE speaks louder than words. I believe it’s because LOVE helps people love themselves, despite their mistakes. I believe it’s because LOVE connects with our spirits and our souls in a way nothing else can. I believe LOVE speaks its own language, one without words. I believe LOVE always wins.

After all, if God is Love, and I believe in God…then logic says my belief in love is undeniable.