Chasing After Me

For the first time in my life I have no plans for my future, and I’m OK with that.

In fact, I’m thankful for not knowing. Honestly, right now I’m pretty sure I’d be overwhelmed with fear, disbelief and complete lack of confidence if I knew what my future held.

Frankly, I don’t think my plans count anyway.

Don’t get me wrong. Goals are important. But, for me, my goals are no longer about WHAT I’ll do. My goals are about WHO I’m committed to being…a woman madly in love with her husband…a woman who is open about who she is and how she feels…a woman who cares and wants to serve others…a woman crazy thankful for God’s grace in her imperfect life.

I had to come to the conclusion that if I follow the path of the person I believe I’m created to be, the rest will follow. I can’t plan anymore…because I can’t fathom what stands before me.

A wise woman I know once said courage comes before confidence. For me, it’s been about the courage to be who I am so I can be confident that I’m following the right path in my life. If I have the courage to take one step, the next step will be clearer. In moments I’ll climb quickly…other moments will move slowly. That’s OK, because I’m done scheduling those moments. I’ll never be fulfilled if they’re my own defined moments.

Eleven years ago, I never imagined meeting and marrying the most selfless and generous man on the planet (from Mississippi nonetheless). Eight years ago, I never imagined meeting those who’ve become my closest, life-long friends. Two years ago, I never imagined leaving my wonderful corporate career. A year ago, I never imagined starting my own business. Six months ago, I never imagined planting a church. Yesterday, I never imagined it possible for even more to be stirring on the inside of me.

You see…I can’t plan these things. And I can’t chart where they’ll go. I can only chase after me. The “me” that only God could envision.

I thank God that “eyes haven’t seen and ears haven’t heard the things He has in store for those who love Him.” For me, it’s not about mystery. I firmly believe God is protecting me from my own cowardly human mind because it has much less confidence in me than He has.

For me, the blank space in front of me isn’t a deep chasm of nothingness. It’s a blank page waiting to be filled with colors and designs that no one ever has seen. And, believe me, it’s not just one sheet of paper…it’s a huge book full of them.